Dashed.

Two weeks left till Christmas Holidays and I should be rejoicing and enjoying the London Christmas atmosphere but here I sit in front of my syntax textbook feeling absolutely helpless. I don't regret choosing my course but now I am reconsidering my initial dream of UCL. I have to admit, I feel like I am at a lost most of the time. I hate this feeling. Trust me when I said I have been doing more work than I ever did in my previous studies, I have spent so much time in the library, I have been reading up on extra readings, but I still feel at a lost. I feel like I don't know enough to compare with other students. Basically, I feel stupid, and it is depressing.

updates

Its 3.17pm now and its getting dark. How I do miss the sunshine here. Anyway, the anticipated Reading week has passed which I didn't succeed much in doing anything except going to watch musical. 'Wicked' was a blast!! I guess waiting outside LSE for tickets for 1 hour plus in the cold was worth it after all. The cast was simply amazing and the plot was brilliantly constructed as well. Actually, it gets you thinking about the concepts of good and evil as well as ruined the idea of a place 'somewhere over the rainbow'. 'Defying Gravity' has now officially become my favourite musical song. A few days later, I went to watch 'Jump' a korean, yes, KOREAN martial arts comedy show at Peacock Theatre. It was quite funny actually but having still remained under the awe of Wicked, it wasn't as thrilling as it could be. But still funny nonetheless as the actors hardly spoke on stage but does pantomimes and exaggerated gestures for most part of the comedy act and a whole lot of martial arts!

After reading week, all hell breaks loose with the amount of coursework I left hanging! Anyway, I finished and submitted all in time! Thank God! So I am taking a break for this week.

I am ending this post abruptly because I don't feel like continuing anymore...will update again soon.

Birthday in London

I had a fun birthday in London despite having a phobia of getting old. 6th November 2009 London time started with me on skype with Jessica who was the only person who waited with me till my birthday!! It's so nice being able to see her and chat with her even though she is a kabillion miles away in America. Anyway, that was midnight.

The fire alarm went off at 4.40am, thanks to the receptionist that fell asleep! So yeah, my morning didn't started off as amazing as it should be because I had to rush and get dress to get to phonetics tutorial. Right after phonetics, I ran to Russell Square Station to catch the tube to Convent Garden. I had a ticket for the open day at the Royal Opera House.

ROH was amazing!! I am so thankful that I didn't think twice (though I should have) about getting a ticket! I went straight to the Paul Hamlyn hall, which had an amazing archy glassy celling, to watch the Royal Ballet School at work. I have to admit. I was extremely jealous, and I really mean EXTREMELY!! The Upper school students were amazing with their amazing flexibility, amazing arches, amazing extensions, amazing everything!! I look fat when standing beside them.

Then I stayed for 2 more rehearsals on the nutcracker. The first was the fighting scene between the nutcracker and the mouse king. Watching the rehearsals just made me realised how difficult and painstaking it is to perfect everything. The I watched the Waltz of the Snowflake rehearsal. I would have thought that coordinating would be simple as everyone is a professional dancer, but how wrong I was. It reminded me of what I went through in just a simple sibu production. Not that easy after all.

I left after the waltz rehearsal to explore the opera house but eventually came back to watch the last rehearsal on Limen, a new ballet. Just wanted to see how Sarah Lamb looks like. And she is as pretty as all the photos I've seen of her. Wasn't that into Limen though but still the movements were really fluid and elegant.

I went to Convent Garden market for lunch after that then walked back to Chandler house for my last tutorial before reading week. After tutorial, I went to Passfield to meet up the others for dinner!

Well, we didn't expect torrential rain in London but it happened and we just called a cab to take us to the restaurant which we couldn't locate. Anyway, dinner was awesome and there was a 50% discount because of Franchi's tastelondon card. We went back to Passfield where I booked my flight to Italy for Christmas.

So yeah, thats my birthday! Most part was spent wonderfully alone though. But still I had an enjoyable day! Thanks to all who wished me a happy birthday!!

First month in London

It's been a month already!! Anyway, this is just a short post to sum up all the stuff that I have done. So, went to Portobello Rd with Cherwaye, Avenue Q with Cherwaye, Hip hop classes with Franchi, London tour with Siburians...hmmm...thats all that comes out from the top of my head for the moment. Avenue Q was amazing and was much more than I expected!! Might be going to watch Wicked soon with Cherwaye...Anyway, got to read!!! I have tons to read..and most of it, I don't understand..

The perplexity of Linguistics

I am thoroughly enjoying my first week of University which consists of 4 hours of lectures and 4 hours of tutorials!! Yes, I am really free..however that comes with downside as well, I have loads to read and I am expecting workload to come pouring in soon. I have had syntax, phonetic and logic and meaning classes. The first 2 I found relatively understandable however, logic and meaning is just plain bizarre. I can't get my head around the idea of conditional truth, basically, how a sentence is a sentence. The snow is white. The sentence is true because 'snow', which refers to ice crystals from the sky, and 'is white' which is associated with a particular set of colours, therefore, snow is white IF and only if the snow is white....hmmmm.....help............

Freshers!!

London is wonderfully busy!! UCL is extremely organized!! Chandler House is just breath-taking!! I am having quite a lot of fun here as lectures have not started yet and will not until next Wednesday. This week has simply been congested with information and introduction to university life. Weather has been good though chilly but still good nonetheless. I went to freshers fayre the other day and joined a few interesting albeit rather weird clubs and societies. One of them was Chocolate!! And guess what members do! EAT CHOCOLATE! Cool right!! I also joined the Investment society because it sounds rather smart and it is definitely a must for Asians like me who took up an un-Asianly course..plus, I got a free mug! Other than that, I signed up for almost every single theatre society that there is in UCL, just to get cheap tickets though but I might take part in at least one of them before I leave.
In terms of food, I am sorry to say that I haven't been impressed at all. I miss Malaysian food. Actually, I should be saying I miss REAL EDIBLE FOOD!! I swear Hughes Parry is trying to starve all it's occupants with small miniscule portions that are hardly enough for anybody and horribly yucky tasting thingies that I don't even know the name of. That's what you get for wanting to be cheap and living the university life. As for lunch, I have to admit that I should start exploring the area for other things than sandwiches. I have been eating Pret A Manger sandwiches for a week now and I have to say, one can only take that many sandwiches without overdosing.
My linguistics class has only around 30 students plus affliliated students from overseas. They are all pretty nice but I guess it's too soon to say as I have only met them for a week. However, Chandler house, where most of my lectures will be taking place is superbly nice with different colour schemes on all floors. The basement is red so all the furniture and walls are painted red. I know the library floor is orange and some other floor is purple. Anyway, I am quite exicited as well as scared about starting next week!! Everybody seems to have a perfectly logical reason of being there except me. I find it so hard to answer when people ask me why I decided to take Linguistics. Because I have an interest in Language?? Yes I do, but I don't really know how strong and lasting my interest is. Anyway, it's still pretty cool telling people I am reading Linguistics instead of some normal Asiany subject.
My room in Hughes Parry is huge but the colour scheme of the room is poorly chosen, making the place look a bit shabby. I hate my view though, the window at the side of my bed faces rooftops of Canterbury and Commenwealth hall and the window in front of my desk faces a wall. My roomate, Francesca is absolutely nice. Quite soft spoken although she goes out every single night. She is half Italian but could not really speak but can understand Italian so it is a good chance of me to practice with her I guess. I have met quite a lot of people in this hall but really, I can't remember their names. The good thing is, I am probably only gonna meet them once and that's it. Staying in a hall that accomodates 500+ people who goes to different unis, I don't really have to remember everyone.
I am still losing my way around London. Passfield hall is incredibly hard to find though it is only 2 roads down Hughes Parry. I am virtually almost an LSE student, having spent most of my time with Cherwaye, Tania, Zhiwei and Aflaah in LSE areas.
I am tired of writing now and might continue with updates on the next post. So yeah, that's what I have covered so far in London for the past week!! To anyone back home, do skype me or send me an email ok..I do get lonely sometimes...

Touchdown

I am in London!! It's been nice so far! Staying with Ivy until tomorrow then I will be moving into Hughes Parry.

...Pause for a breather...

I have finally sorted out all the complications that comes with going to University..whew..and good news, I can drive now!! so anyone free in Sibu call me up okay? If there is anyone left...

A sense of completion

After 1 and a half (first term not counted) grueling years of Alevels in KTJ, I am glad to say that I am thankfully done since receiving my full results on Wednesday. And, I am going to UCL! Praise the Lord!!
Wow, I never imagined myself going to London, let alone to the University where Coldplay was formed (yeah, I find that extremely cool). I am so happy that Tania and CherWaye would be joining me in London, and I could once again wreck havoc with Ivy. It's so weird how things turned out for me. I always had the idea that I would eventually be reading Business or Commerce in some Australia University or end up in Kent like mum. Linguistics was not part of my vocabulary until August last year when I happened to stumble across it on Cambridge's list of courses. And what better place to read Linguistics than the place where Alexander Graham Bell was educated. I am indeed fortunate to be given this opportunity.
As for my results, I am extremely satisfied with everything except Drama Unit 5. I got an A overall for drama but I got a 61/90 for that unit, and I worked really hard on that unit. Wasn't easy playing a crazed 15-year-old refugee okay. Well, my whole group did bad on that unit and nobody knows why. I, of course suspect that it was because of our over-cut script, I mean, our acting was not bad at all, and we technically did nothing that could slashed our marks down that much, so it must be the script. All those hours of practicing..wasted..and they wanted Anjali to actually slap me to make the scene more believable..thank goodness I protested..
As predicted, I am busy with visa application now. I had been fidgeting over the fact the my visa letter hadn't arrived yet for the past 2 days. I got the DHL notice today, they just have to pick a time when I am not at home to deliver. At least its here.
I can't wait to go London, Convent Garden, Royal Ballet, Agnes Oakes and Thomas Edur, tube to Paris, Paris Opera Ballet, Aurelie Dupont, train to Italy, Torino, the Barberos, hot chocolate, Elisabetta and Vanessa, La Scala, cheap flights to America during Christmas, Jessica, Korea..oh yes, I can't wait. Yet, I don't want to leave the comforts of home for 2 years just yet. My family, Dukie, the stupid dog, Kitty, the useless fishes, the baby who shall not be a baby anymore when I return the next time, the other baby, ballet classes, cheap dvds, cheap cinema tickets, 'exercise' with Grace, Grace, local food, especially people speaking foochow. Foochow gives me a sense of homeliness, a symbol of my upbringing, a story of my background. I find it amazing how a whole town has dialect as it's main language, and one of the hardest Chinese dialect too. But since I have to go, then I can't wait to amaze my course mates with my Foochow speaking abiliy.
Two years passed fast, I remembered counting towards the day of leaving KTJ with Waye way back in term 1, boy, that didnt seemed too long ago. It's time to move on again. I guess I might be counting towards the day of leaving UCL soon.

Adagio

I feel like I am stuck in an endless cyclic gyre. Life hasn't been eventful these days. The only excitement I had last week was the gruelling suspense of waiting for my Geography results. Thankfully, I got an A. Yay!

Other than that, I can't think of anything new. Well, one more week until Edexcel results will be out, then there will be a mad rush to apply for visa. Then things might get a bit more exciting...

Breakdown...

The last glimmer of hope fades silently.

  Despair overwhelms. 

Unavailing curses flow unceasingly. 

  Anger overwhelms. 

Chaos unveiled unremittingly. 

  Fear overwhelms.

Well, that sums up everything.

Untimely Finale

I can't believe it and I don't want to. She called quits. At the age of 28, where one would only start getting recognition. Monica Mason has just announced the retirement of Royal Ballet principal Alexandra Ansanelli, a dancer which I yearned to watch ever since she appeared on the front cover of Dance Magazine in 2004. She was a principal of New York City Ballet before, had a budding career, and she just left abruptly without giving any notice. That shocked the ballet world and now she has done the exact same again. She received a demotion to Soloist from Royal Ballet, worked her way up to Principal and decided to leave. Leave the dance world altogether. 

She lives the life which I have always dream of, yet I applaud her for having the bravery to give everything up for the fact that she doesn't like it anymore. If only I could say no the that unbending routine that governs my life, possible shortening it as well. I have no idea what on her mind, and I think neither does she, but I hope she will be happy with her choice.

Too late. I am upset by the fact that I will never get the chance to see her live. The technicality, the vivacity, the tenacity that I have missed. An opportunity slipped. Grieved. 

Time is ticking..ticking away

Today me and Tania came to the realisation that our lives are extremely defective at this moment in time. 

When we cry (cry over unfinished drama course work), though we try (try so hard to finish it), say goodbye (bye to our sanity) cause time is ticking ticking....

Just a random update

Oh dear, I seemed to have left this blog for the dump. Oh well, life is getting harder to control by the minute. I am completely stress out at this moment, with a huge pile of unfinished drama course work (not my fault, I've done my part), unfinished Elit text (not my fault either), unstudied Geography (ok, this is actually my fault), uncompleted accommodation form (thanks to my indecisiveness)

and on-coming exams that I am utterly unprepared for. Aiuto....

I despise Larkin though I have to admit that he is a literary genius. His poems give me the creeps. Thanks to him, I have images of 'children strewn on steps' and little lambies chopped up into chops. How can anyone be happy being unhappy most of the time? One more term and it's all over. I am gonna miss my art centre room most, it's hell loads bigger than my room at home. And this time, I actually have to kiss my uniform-wearing days good bye. I do like uniforms, even though it may be similar to KFC's one, saves me the time and effort to think what I have to wear to class. 

I am worried about drama. Firstly, we have only officially completed 1 unit out of 6. Secondly, we haven't rewritten notes for unit 3 because Ms Sarah hasn't gotten the 'Three' video off Helena. Thirdly, no one has bothered to mark my Unit 1 and 4 though I completed it last year. Fourthly, we haven't even started on unit 6 yet and there are 2 plays to write notes on. And finally, I have no idea what grades I will be getting for unit 4 and 5's performance. Teachers may say one thing but examiners might say another. And judging from the low quality video that we've produced, the possibility of them thinking a different spectrum is quite likely. How can anyone not be irked to the point of wanting to break everything in sight with a baseball bat? If I have a baseball bat and no morals...grrr... 

Oh bother...