Artaud is a crackpot!!

After 3 months of intense generating, writing and editing, I have finally completed Unit 4 at 4am this morning. 10 pages of A3. Filled. Drama and Theatre Studies. I hate this subject. It torments and pushes my patience to the limit. I must be crazy for refusing to drop it. It is so ironic that I left the exam hall thinking that the worst I could get is a B, not knowing that in fact all of us were expected, yes, expected to fail. I am truly scared. Really I am. I am scared of the immense faith that I place on my teachers. The same teachers that told me my notes were infallible, that nothing would go wrong, that I am brilliant. Sometimes I hate myself for believing them that much. I wish I could drop drama. But I can't. The fact is that I can't bear to drop it. I love the feeling of being someone else. I love the stage. I love the applauding and cheers of the audience at the end of a performance. I love the satisfactory feel of completing a play. I wished someone would force me to drop. I can't do it myself. I hate Artaud. Balinese hand movements. Yeah right. No one in their right mind would look at our play and define that as Balinese hand movements. Too bad those that watch our plays weren't in their right minds. That's what theatre studies is all about. Lying and bullshitting. It is all fabrication, an improbable concoction. I hate that part the most. I hate writing a bunch of lies to get marks. I hate writing a bunch of lies so others could get marks. Why should I put in so much effort to get equal marks as one that relies on my effort? No matter. 6 more months and I am done. No more studying the ideals of a crackpot. No more dealings with schism in my group. To conclude, no more drama. 

Nausea- Another puking incident

Who knew that a simple cup of tea could have caused me to suffer for two days. After attending the Oratorio, Elijah by Mendelssohn, I went to a nearby coffee shop for a cup of tea while waiting for the traffic to subside. The tea looked absolutely fine, tasted absolutely fine, therefore I assumed that it was absolutely fine. I woke up at 5 in the morning to a nauseous feeling caused by a churning stomach. Of course, my first reaction was to wake everybody in the house up and announced my newly contracted sudden wave of queasiness. Mum told me she had already threw up 3 times so I should just wait around until I do. Well, I headed straight to the TV room with a spinning head and an agitated stomach. Wasn't the best idea because watching TV just aggravated my head which aggravated my stomach. Just a note, there are really good shows in the wee hours of the day, those that I haven't seen for a while, like those Disney cartoons from the 50's or 60's. The first rush of partially digested food up my oesophagus came around 6am, and I just managed to reach the sink in time. Bloody hell. I hate puking non-stop, especially before the sun rises. Darkness just give me a sense of despair and hopelessness. This incident reminded me of the flight to Italy from Bangkok, and that non-stop puking was caused by dehydration. The only difference is that it was dark the entire flight because we were flying west. One could only imagine the dread I felt, I thought it was the end of the road for me. Seriously, I did. No parents, no close friends, just 23 newly met people, a lot of puke pouches and a bunch of air-hostess that did not speak English. Plus, the pain of an empty stomach was killing me as my stomach did not allow me to consume even plain water. Utter misery I tell you. 

Anyway, back to the more recent puking incident. I could not sleep anymore after throwing up a few times. for lunch, mum just cooked porridge. Eating was hard enough, keeping what I ate was harder. Uh, I hate the feeling when my stomach muscles contract to regurgitate. Well, this went on until night, just before I fell asleep. The next day, for some weird reason, my stomach was all bloaty and I couldn't eat much either, thus suffering the consequences from the building up of acids. Right now, I am not fully recovered yet but at least I could eat more and keep food in. 

Sometimes I wonder why sicknesses like these do not come when I need it most (like after studying and writing essays the entire night in school). A whole day of vomiting, just because we wanted to avoid traffic. Oh the irony.

Death be not proud

After weeks of checking the dance section of the NYT, I was thrilled with all the new articles on the new season in New York. That is, until I saw this

News article

I am truly sadden by the sudden passing of Clive Barnes. I enjoyed reading his articles especially the 'Attitudes' column for Dance magazine. I have high regards for this man as he inspired me to pursue my dreams of becoming a dance critic. He will definitely be missed in the dance world.